Strength: Single Parents

Posted on by Ipuna Black

Raising children is one of the greatest and most difficult responsibilities for any human being. This responsibility becomes more difficult when a person has to raise a child alone. Single parents feel guilty and have the added pressure of believing that they may not be able to provide enough. Please know that you are not alone. Give your best into parenting through your strength and love and know that it is possible to still raise happy, positive, and productive children. Additionally, there is always that hope that you can have a more positive family unit in the future.

I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to participate in a blog collaboration with eleven other amazing bloggers from all over the world! The theme for this collaboration is strength. I decided to write about a time in my life where I felt I grew stronger: during single motherhood. I was a single mother in my early twenties while I was attending nursing school, living on my own, and working. Those years were some of the toughest years of my life, but I found strength in me that I never knew existed.

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Letter to My Son

To My Dear Precious Son, Kobi,

I looked at you, and I wondered where did I go wrong and right?

You were so right. Curly dark hair. Beautiful mocha skin. And eyes that loved and wanted me more than I thought was possible.

I was so wrong. Did I choose the wrong time to have a child? I was barely 21 years old, trying to figure out my own life, but I had brought you into my mess. I was still in school. Working to barely pay the bills. I was gone more than I was with you because I was trying to provide a better future for you. I spent all day at school and work and cared for you at night. Squeezed in homework. Repeat. I was getting skinnier. Not by choice. I was losing sleep. And all the while you looked at me and trusted in me that I would take care of you. Your limitless brown eyes had faith that everything would be okay. And with all of my imperfections, you loved me.

I could never provide you, my son, with everything, but I could provide you with love and the best of me. I never thought I could make it alone, but I had to. For you.

It took more strength than I ever thought I had to become a single mother, but the risk was worth it for you, my dear son.

Stats of a Single Parent

The odds are not in favor for single parents.

  • Single parents often have lower income levels
  • Often there is a decrease in parental involvement
  • Children’s chances for well-being decreases
  • Children are twice as likely to drop out of high school compared to those in two-parent families.
  • Children from single-parent homes are twice as likely to become single parents themselves.
  • Teens in single-parent households have a higher risk of depression and lower self-esteem.

Single Parents

Single parents include mothers, father, grandparents, relatives, or anyone raising children predominately alone. It requires strength and self-sacrifice. Know that you are not alone. Here are some positive strategies to help raise happy and productive children. These tips are a combination of my personal experience as well as the advice from Mayo Clinic.

  • Quality time: You will have less time with your child because your responsibility increases when you are raising a child alone. Give your child quality one-on-one time, even if it is for a few minutes a day.
  • Don’t forget about “me” time: You will wear yourself out if you don’t take some down time for yourself. It can be as little as a bubble bath in peace or a massage. You need time to recharge.
  • Ask for help: Carpool. Ask help from family members and friends. Don’t feel like you have to do everything alone. You will wear your sanity thin.
  • Do the best that you can: Don’t kill yourself trying to be the “perfect” parent. It doesn’t exist. Know that you are trying your best and your child will feel that.
  • Guilty: You can feel guilty for becoming a single parent, and then, get over it. Face that the situation is real and walk forward with a plan and boldness. Spend your energy on positive steps toward raising your child.

Today, I commend all of you single parents out there all over the world. Your strength is unmeasurable. You are the real Superwomen and Supermen of the world. You are raising our future generation, which is the hardest task ever given to a human. Give your child your best with all of your strength, and this is enough until you can provide him/her with more.

Please let me know if you have any positive words on single parenthood!

Strength-Blog-Collaboration

Here are the other collaborators who wrote on strength! Please check out their posts. The lovely, Nicolle @ Stories of a Highly Sensitive Introvert, wrote a great summary for each blogger:

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99 thoughts on “Strength: Single Parents”

  2. I can relate to all that you have mentioned. Having raised my son single handedly, I have gone through many of the struggles that you mentioned. Fortunately I had my parents support and they were there for my son in my absence.

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  3. My mom was a solo parent (I prefer the word solo because single just focuses on the marital status to me) and I happened to be born in a tough time for her. She had no money and she got married to a man she wasn’t sure she loved, my dad. My dad was never as participative as she was, so I call her a single mom. She’s always worked really hard to provide me and my sister with comfort and we’ve had a long road together. Even after all the fighting, I love her and I thank her for being both my mom and dad when my dad couldn’t (still can’t) do it

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  10. Thanks for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear of your tough times as a single mother, and I’m glad you came out stronger. ❤️

    And thanks for thinking so highly of my intro post on our collaborating bloggers and linking to it, it made me really happy. 😀

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    1. 😍​ Thanks for having such a wonderful intro post!
      Yep, those were rough years when Kobi was younger I’m so glad things are better. His father cheated on me with a 16 year old. Yikes. Wasn’t the first time he cheated, but it was sure the last! 💪🏼

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  13. This is something I can definitely relate to. My mom had me at 16 and my sister at 20 and she has been a single mom her whole life. She’s married and happy now, but she has been through so much. What an amazing post. Thank you. xx

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  14. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Sunshine. I’m sorry to hear of the trying times you had as a single mom. Yet I’m glad at the same time. This is because it all helped shape you into the wonderful, kind, loving and sunshiney person that you are… and that I love so much. ❤ ❤

    What great practical strategies you gave here. I agree with all of them. Children, at that particular time, may not understand the troubles one (as a single parent) had to go through for their sakes. But they'll remember the love and the time spent together. ❤

    P.S. That's such an adorable photo. 😀

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  15. I was there when Kobi was born! It takes a strong person to be a single mother. Parenting is hard enough. I can’t imagine being a single parent. There are days when I can’t find the strength to do it alone and am so glad my husband is there to help me. His help and assistance with our daughter gives me the strength to be a better mom. Doing things like parenting alone, it requires inner strength but mostly making sure your child has everything that he/she needs…it’s amazing how powerful our will is. When we see an innocent child and it’s our own flesh and blood we will move mountains just so that they are not lacking. Love the letter to Kobi! ❤

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  16. Great post Ipuna! As a single mom myself I can relate to this so much. It can be challenging doing it alone. Thankfully I have the support of my family which is a tremendous help. The letter to your son was beautiful thank you for sharing.

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      1. I thank God for them everyday. I have had my challenging moments but they were and have been there supporting and encouraging me from day one. I know some single parents are not as fortunate and I commend them for still persevering in spite of the odds.

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  21. Hey Ipuna, awesome post. It al makes complete since. I’ve never been a single parent, thank God. However, when we lived in Cali, it was me and my kiddos for 4 years. I felt like a single parent. My hubby would fly in 2 times a month or so. It was rough at times. Sometimes I wanted to cry and go back home. So, I definitely have an idea and I empathize. I’m glad you found the strentgh to endure. Kids are so resilient. They love unconditionally. They don’t see our flaws. They just love us for us. We should all have that same mentality. Ty. XX #keepwriting 🙌💟

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  22. Ipuna, i really liked how you’ve let your emotions overflow through a letter to your son. The letter to your son is beautiful. It must have been a real hard time for you but you’ve done your part well. Cheers to you, who is no less than a superwoman!!

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    2. Thank you, Sadaf. It was tough because I had little family support, and I had one more year of nursing school. I had no financial support from family for school, and zero financial or physical support from his father. I had the determination to finish school. Although my mother wasn’t the best with me, she was great with my son. She helped the most. I thank God for that.

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  23. What an awesome post. Thanks for sharing such a crucial part of your life experience for the purpose of helping others. Being an adult human is not a day job, but to raise another human to become a great person requires a great strength. I applaud your strength to be courageous and keep raising children on your own. Being a single parent is not easy but I think Ipuna is flying it with some positive energy. I wish you all you need to keep the momentum. Stay blessed.

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  24. You’ve been through a lot. Now I know why you have become such kindhearted and understanding person. Being a single mother is no joke. I may not have kids of my own for now, but at the moment, you know I am looking after my sisters and their kids. As I always say, everything happens for a reason. As to why you have to go through that at an early age is because you will be a shining inspiration to everyone. Thanks for sharing your story. Hope to meet you soon! ❤

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  25. I was a single mother too raising my son but I was fortunate to have my sisters/parents there from time to time when I needed them. One thing is for sure, I too “found strength in me that I never knew existed”. Great post. ~ Bernice

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  27. I’m glad I finally was able to get over here and read this, Ipuna. I think this is a very good post, and I loved the letter to your son. I read in one of Lois McMaster Bujold’s books (maybe the latest, “Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen”) that parents don’t necessarily make children; children make _parents_. And the way she meant it was, without what you see from the kids, you can’t be the best parent and won’t have the motivation to do what you need to do as a person and as a parent. (At least, that’s how I took it.)

    I think that’s what you did, Ipuna.

    You had a very difficult row to hoe, and you rowed it with great aplomb. And you learned as much from your son as he learned from you (though he may not realize that for years, if ever)…certainly, the inner strength you always possessed came to the fore because of this trial. (I still wish you hadn’t had to face it, mind.)

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    1. Thank you, Barb! Sorry for my late reply. I was traveling for a doctor’s appointment in another state for Jy. I have a post about it going up on Tuesday. I appreciate your kind words. I think my trials have made me who I am today (just like you said!). I love this part “parents don’t necessarily make children; children make _parents_. ” Sooooo true. We learn more about ourselves from our children than I think we realize. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I truly appreciate your kind words.

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  28. Ipuna I’m in tears. This was such a moving post. I swear.
    The letter to Kobi is so heart touching.
    Let me tell you, you have given him everything you could. There’s nothing You haven’t showered him with. You are an amazing mother Ipuna !
    People aspire to be you ! And yes not to forget you are an ageless beauty. And back at 21 you were so stylish !!! The black choker is so much in fashion now. You were already so many years ahead of us.
    And kobi looks so cute. ❤

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    2. Thank you, Taj! Sorry for my late response. I was traveling for a doctor’s appointment for Jy. I’ll post about it on Tuesday. 😉 That was a rough period in my life, but it made me who I am. I didn’t think I was strong enough to make it on my own, but I did it because it was in the best interest for both Kobi and me. I’m soooo grateful that I made that decision. His father cheated on me over and over again. I finally had enough. We were both young, so I get that part. I hold no grudges. Your words make me smile and proud of all I have overcome to be who I am today. You are a strong friend who I have come to love and adore. Thank you for that! The black choker! Ha ha! I was hip back then. Too funny. Thanks on Kobi too. He’s a cutie! Have a wonderful day! ❤️​

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  36. Such a great post. One of the best posts that I’ve encountered. I was actually teary eyed while reading this. I’m a single parent as well to my beautiful son. Cheers to all the single parents in the world. 💞

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    1. Thank you, Janna! Single parenting is not easy. There are a lot of guilts and never enough time, but we do the best we can and can’t beat ourselves up! I wish you and your child(ren) the best! You are a superwoman! 💥

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      1. No, thank you Ipuna. You’ve done so much for me by this post. You made me realize a lot especially in being a single parent. The words are so much heartfelt and really moving. I wish you all the best in life and may God grant you all of the blessings that you and your family deserves. Reading the responses on this post gave me goosebumps. You have a good one! 😊

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