Someone e-mailed me some funny quotes. I just had to laugh.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you> get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. > – Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.> – Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops> to breathe. > – Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness,> can be trained to do most things.> – Jilly Cooper

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you > nothing. It was here first.> – Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.> – Ed Furgol>> Money can’t buy you happiness… but it does bring you a more pleasant form > of misery.> – Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.> – Joe Namath>> Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.> – Herbert Henry Asquith

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation… as you grow older, it will avoid> you.> – Winston Churchill>>

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty… but everything else starts to > wear out, fall out, or spread out.> – Phyllis Diller>>

The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.> – Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go > anywhere.>> – Unknown>>

Be careful of your tongue: It’s kept in a wet place and could easily slip.> – Unknown

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